I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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