I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
