I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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