we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
