Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
