I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk is a universal language darling
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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