i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
