I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
