Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
