i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize