Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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