I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
