Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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