Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize