The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
