he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
