So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize