Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
