i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
