Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
