this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
