I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
