i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize