Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
