I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
