Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize