...so i touched it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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