one word: firstdatebathroomanal
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
