One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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