i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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