I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
