Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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