For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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