His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
