I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize