his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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