Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
