I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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