i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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