did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
