Dual....:-)
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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