very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
