She is in my trunk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
