nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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