my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
