I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
