people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
