Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
