I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
