I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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