Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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