Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
