my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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