do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
