I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
