I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
