we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
