I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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