I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
