The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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