I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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