I wannas sexs uuuuu
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
