ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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