the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
