imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
