haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
