Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize