Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
