I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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