I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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