I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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