Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
