He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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