Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
