Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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