So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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