i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They have beer where we have blood.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
