I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have aggressive nipples.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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