This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize