My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Life is so much better after having sex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
