He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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