Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
