the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you had me at cake vodka
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
