next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
