so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize