Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
