So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize