u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
