Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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