He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
