Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
