: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
