Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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