Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
