i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
