I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
