the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
