I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
