the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
