Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
