Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
