I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
