Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i need an iv and a liver transplant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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