I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize