i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
