Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
