Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
