So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
