i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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